Even though we are in the middle of our infertility journey, I still want to dream of being a mom. Maybe that sounds weird to say, but I haven’t really done this. For so long, infertility took away my desire to dream. Probably because I’m so consumed with trying to figure out how we can get pregnant, that I don’t have the mental energy to dream about what happens after we have a baby. Can anyone else relate?
Another reason I’ve avoided dreaming is because sometimes it hurts; especially when my dreams don’t or haven’t come true. Not dreaming has a way of protecting me from those feelings of disappointment and frustration, but it also leaves out the most important one, hope.
For whatever reason, this past month or so, I’ve been dreaming. Dreaming about what it would be like to be a mom. Being pregnant and feeling them kick. Calling them by name and seeing them in their car seat in our vehicle. Holding, teaching, and above all, loving them. Allowing myself to dream about this possibility has been so freeing, but it’s also taken courage. Why? Because it requires believing in something, regardless of what I see/don’t see. It’s being brave, vulnerable and places all my trust in Jesus. It takes courage to dream about something with your entire heart, soul and body, despite any proof of it becoming a reality.
I’m not sure how long I’ll feel comfortable dreaming about being a mom. I’m sure it will ebb and flow, but I’m not going to think about that. For now, I am going to continue dreaming and hope and pray they come true.
Whatever your dream is, spouse, healing, job, etc., today and always, be brave and dream. I know it can be painful, but the hope that fills our hearts is worth it.
Stay tuned for next week, as this month Living in the Wait turns 6 months! I want to celebrate this milestone all week long and have some exciting things planned. Be sure to follow along on Instagram and Facebook for some reminiscing, a challenge and giveaway!
Please share with someone you know who could use some encouragement in the wait.