The Wait List – Amanda

The Wait List features guest posts from people just like you and me, all sharing a coming thread of you guessed it, waiting. No one wants to be on the wait list, but through these features, I hope you find encouragement and see all the miraculous ways God works through us during that time. If you are interested in sharing your story on The Wait List, please contact me.

Guest post written by Amanda.

What one thing were you waiting for?
I don’t know that I was ever waiting for one thing. My entire life was a series of waiting: waiting for summer, waiting for graduation, waiting for Friday night, waiting for our wedding, waiting for a chance at a “real job.” I loved planning for these events. My world spun out of my control freak hands when waiting for a baby went from months to years. Everything in my life to that point was something I thought I could control.

How did God help you in your wait? How did you continue to Live in the Wait?
I always thought I had a good relationship with God, but my faith had never truly been tested. I honestly had a very blessed life with close family and friends. I rarely was sent out of my comfort zone let alone thrown over terror’s edge. Infertility absolutely shook my entire being. At first, I was so bitter and angry. As the years continued I started to find that there was no comfort to the loss and yearning felt. I could plan, meal prep, take all the vitamins, and do all the recommended exercises, but ultimately, I could not control what was happening.

So, with the help of some inspirational infertility advocates I started to build a relationship with God. I no longer asked him to take our infertility away, but started to pray for guidance, patience, and understanding to help me use my situation to improve our life and the lives of others. Slowly our situation changed. I remember starting to feel peace seep into my life. The anxiety and fear were still there, but they were slowly shrinking. After four and a half years of infertility I felt like things were going to be okay. I didn’t know when or how, but I just knew it was going to be. Shortly after, we learned about our IVF clinic and our lives changed drastically. We decided to share our story with our family, friends, and the world. I felt a renewed sense of purpose as more and more people reached out to us.

Was what you were waiting for received?
We found out on March 6, 2017, that at least one of our little embryo babies had stuck around, and on November 18, 2017, we welcomed our miracle into the world. God answered our prayers far greater then I could ever imagine.

Our son wasn’t the only answer we received from our wait. We received the ability to help others through the pain of infertility, compassion for others, and strength to weather storms together. I also received the understanding that God doesn’t put us in bad situations, but rather He walks with us through the bad and the good. We have the power to turn to God in the good and bad, and let Him help us. Let Him turn our situations into testimonies of love and faith.

My turning point in my faith was when I realized I needed to stop asking for a different situation, and rather embrace the power to use my situation for the better. I let God lead me through, walk with me, and even carry me when I was tired and beaten down.

What advice would you give to someone else who is in the waiting?
I’m going to go ahead and steal this quote from Tyler Knott Gregson, “Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim.” I absolutely stunk at taking this advice while moving through the depths of pain caused by infertility. I didn’t feel like I kept my head above the water, but rather I fell to the bottom of the ocean to face my monsters. Spending my time at the bottom of an ocean with no oxygen, never going numb from oxygen loss, but in a constant state of just enough to keep you alive and fighting. The burning lungs and body screaming in pain knowing you were missing a vital part of life. I had to learn how to be truly patient and accept that this was something I could not control.

My advice is don’t stay at the bottom of the ocean for long. Turn to God for help and take a good look at your situation. Ask yourself how you can use it for good. Also take that dang vacation! Stop letting fear dictate your decisions. I know that with infertility it can be hard to find the resources to take a vacation, a class, or have a glass or two of wine. It is expensive and you are constantly envisioning and asking what if I am pregnant then. Just don’t let this overcome reason. Yes, you need to be financially smart, take good care of your physical health, but do not forget your spiritual and mental health are just as important. You are not a medical lab rat, a robot, or controlled experiment. You are a living, breathing, child of God with no guarantees in this life other than his love and the moment you are living in. You are going to have bad days and good days, but just keep practicing trusting in God’s promise.

Jeremiah 29:11–13 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Please pass this message along to anyone you know who could use some encouragement in the wait, had a miscarriage or are going through infertility.

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