There are many messages I write that I’m undoubtedly nervous to share with you. They are transparent and extremely vulnerable and today’s post is exactly that. I wrote this almost a year ago, afraid of sharing, until now.
Early in our infertility journey, I was angry at my circumstances, loss of dreams and yes, God. I sumo wrestled with so many questions:
- “God has the power to change things so why won’t He change my life plan and get me pregnant?”
- “Why is God withholding my heart’s desire, of having a baby, from me?”
- “If infertility isn’t from God, why is He allowing this to happen to me?”
I felt bad when I said these questions aloud, because I didn’t want to be disrespectful to God, but I was so confused as to why infertility was part of my life.
It was around this time I read “The Shack” by William P. Young. If you are unfamiliar with this book, it’s about a dad, Mack, whose daughter is abducted during a family vacation. Evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack. Four years later, Mack receives a suspicious note, from God, inviting him to The Shack, the very place where his daughter was killed. Here Mack meets with God and that’s all I can tell you because the book is amazing. Seriously, you need to read it.
What’s so beautiful about this story, is that it wrestles with the question, “Where is God in a world filled with unspeakable pain?” Many of you reading this, may be asking the same question, like I did, when we first started going through infertility.
One paragraph in particular, completely changed my understanding of our situation. Here, God is talking to Mack:
“Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.” (Young 187-188)
Think on those words for a moment and insert your situation. How does that change the way you view it?
I’ll be the first to admit, this can be hard to process sometimes. I still don’t completely understand it, nor do I have all the answers when it comes to the difficulties people face in life. But remember, we live in the world and the world is full of sin, which means there will be suffering, sickness, pain and death. This means bad things will happen to good people and evil will continue to be a part of our lives.
What’s important for us to separate out is that bad things aren’t from God and He doesn’t need them to create good in our lives. Remember, He’s God and has the power to do anything. He created the Heavens and Earth, gave the blind sight and raised people from the dead. Pure and simple, God is good.
Psalm 107:1 – Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
James 1:17 – Every good and perfect gift is from above.
This paragraph helped me realize that infertility isn’t from God because God is good and infertility is not, which means God wasn’t to blame for my infertility.
I know it doesn’t answer the question as to why some people go through certain life difficulties and others don’t. And truthfully, I’m not sure it’s important to know. Why? Because that’s not our purpose on this earth. Our lives are meant to further His Kingdom. While God may eventually reveal why it took so long for that prayer to be answered, ultimately the important question we need to answer is, “How are we going to allow God to transform us during that time to bring Him glory?”
I might not have answered this question the way you expected, but I pray it brought a new perspective on your wait that you hadn’t thought of before. I know it doesn’t take away the hurt, disappointment, grief or despair you are facing. Those experiences will continue to be a part of life until we get to Heaven. But I hope it reminds you that, “just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes.”
Have you ever asked God this question or something similar?
Please share with someone you know who could use some encouragement in the wait.