As many of you know, last year, after 3+ years of infertility, our daughter was born. Since then, navigating life as a family of three has required more grace than we originally expected. For that reason and many more, I’ve taken more time away from this community than I wanted.
I’ll just admit it, one of the reasons, is fear. There, I finally said it. Because I’ve been silent for so long, it just seemed easier to continue like that. There’s been overwhelm of where do I even begin, judgement of what I would share and how my messages would be received. Taking time off removed some of the confidence I had in myself and the message I felt God was encouraging me to share. I kinda feel like I’m starting over.
I recently heard this song, “i feel bad for you,” by Hollyn, and was encouraged to start connecting with you on a regular basis again. Bonus that this message fits in with the new year! While my messages and posts may not be as strategic, perfectly timed or as frequent as I want, I Just. Want. To. Start. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed the encouragement and the community blogging provides. I’ve missed the power and joy of writing.
I think that’s why this song hit me so strongly. I needed these words. I’ve had toxic thoughts about myself and my abilities. The fear of failure and judgment has constantly been calling me, keeping me afraid of continuing the message of Living in the Wait. In a way, I feel bad for myself. For listening to these thoughts. For allowing them to speak louder than what God was saying. For allowing them to hold me back. Maybe this rings true for you, too. Maybe it’s related to something you’re waiting for. Maybe it’s the negative belief that it’s impossible, that your request is too big for God, or that you don’t deserve it.
When we replace the negative beliefs about ourselves, our bodies, our abilities, our wait, with the God’s truth, we do exactly what these lyrics say, we go higher than we’ve ever gone before. Don’t apologize for being obedient to the direction or work God is asking you to do. Kindly or sassily (my preference) tell those negative beliefs that you’re moving on, don’t wait for me, buh-bye.
“Cause I’m off the ground
Higher up than I was when you were holding on to me, holding on to me
Yeah you’re probably listening but let me make it clear
This ain’t no apology, no apologies.
Moving on yeah I’m gone
No don’t wait for me
You can wave to me”
Please share with someone you know who could use some encouragement in the wait.